For all of the appropriate criticism directed at Trump’s daily Coronavirus press briefings as nothing more than re-election campaign rallies, one important thing everyone is overlooking is that (at least for now), Trump still believes there will be an election in November that he has to campaign for. Otherwise, these briefings allow Trump to be the one thing he’s ever really wanted to be: a TV star. The largely fact-free daily episodes essentially take over evening newscasts, allowing him to pretend to be in charge and to rant about fake news (which of course is truer than ever as they carry whatever nonsense he is blathering about from the podium that day). But Trump knows how to entertain his supporters the way any good Medicine Show Perfessor knew how to draw a crowd no matter what town they rolled their wagon into.
The only thing really missing from those daily briefings is someone standing up and saying, “I used to have COVID-19, but after just one teaspoon of Trump Brand® Patented Chloroquine, I am virus free. Being able to siphon legitimacy from the real doctors and scientists standing next to him on the podium, is even better than having a shill in the audience, though.
Tests of Chloroquine are being halted due to fatal heart complications, but that is not stopping some of his supporters from believing there is an effective treatment, so why not open the economy back up? In typical Trump Grifter fashion, however, Trump figures that he will have gotten what he wants (cash from whatever financial ties he has to the drug, a reopened economy, etc) well before the bodies pile up enough to be noticeable.
While you are doing your patriotic duty and staying home and practicing social distancing, have a Snake Oil cocktail to remember why you’re not watching the Trump briefings.
From Kara Newman’s great book Night Cap, the Snake Oil is:
2 oz 100-proof Bourbon (115-proof Old Forrester)
.25 oz sherry (Lustau Amontillado)
1 mini bottle Underberg bitters
1 dash Bad Dog Bar Craft Fire & Damnation bitters (Scrappy’s Firewater)
1 dash Angostura bitters
Stir, strain into a Nick and Nora glass, no garnish
Cheers!
Gin & Bitters 